I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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