dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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