those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
