You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
