So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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