i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize