my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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