I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
