im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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