and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize