redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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