I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
