If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
