I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
