it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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