Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
