You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
