I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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