I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
