you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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