i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
