Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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