Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
