what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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