you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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