my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
