Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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