If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
