apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
