If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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