I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
