Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
