I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
third nipple confirmed
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
