my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
