Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
