I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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