Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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