not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
