Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize