the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
