Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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