dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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