why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
