Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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