from now on my penis is your penis
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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