its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
