kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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