Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
