it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
