I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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