Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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