I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
no, he came in my armpit
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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