they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
