i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
