Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
