Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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