The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
