my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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