I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
