she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
