If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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