We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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