i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
