I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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