Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
