i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
