You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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