The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
