I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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