we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
