Christians are straight up FREAKS
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
