My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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