I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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