OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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