you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
