I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize