his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
