you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
