boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
All the doctor said was why
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
