More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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