i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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