He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Randomize