how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
