Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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