My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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