Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize