Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
