So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
