Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
zippers are such a cool invention
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
