So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
