Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
