K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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