I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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