You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
